Indonesian Coastline Files Noise Complaint Against 7.4 Magnitude Earthquake for Excessive Shaking Without Permission

JAKARTA, Indonesia — The Indonesian coastline has officially filed a formal noise complaint against a 7.4 magnitude earthquake that allegedly shook the region without proper permits or advance warning, according to documents filed with the Pacific Ring of Fire Homeowners Association.

The earthquake, described by witnesses as 'overly dramatic' and 'attention-seeking,' reportedly caused a follow-up 5.5 magnitude aftershock that residents are calling 'unnecessary showboating.'

'We've been very clear about our quiet hours policy,' said Sumatra Island, spokesperson for the affected coastal region. 'No seismic activity above magnitude 3.0 between the hours of 6 AM and 11 PM without a written request submitted at least 72 hours in advance.'

The Meteorological Agency's tsunami alert has been criticized by local surfers as 'false advertising,' after the resulting wave measured only 30 centimeters in height.

'I canceled three meetings and drove six hours with my board expecting gnarly waves, and I get something that barely covers my ankles,' complained professional surfer Kadek Tsunami. 'If you're going to cause a geological catastrophe, at least commit to it.'

The earthquake has reportedly hired a geological lawyer and plans to counter-sue for discrimination against natural disasters, claiming that volcanoes are allowed to 'erupt whenever they want without anyone complaining.'

At press time, the tectonic plates were in mediation to discuss a more reasonable shaking schedule for the remainder of 2024.