57 articles
Strike Zone Lanes management was shocked to learn their bowling pins had formed Local Union 710 and had been deliberately falling over in coordinated protest actions since 2021.
The WNBA franchise admits they were primarily swayed by Azzi Fudd's name sounding like either a jazz musician or a character from a 1980s action movie.
The golfer's management team has allegedly put a therapist specializing in public meltdowns on standby as McIlroy faces the possibility of achieving either legendary status or becoming golf's most spectacular failure.
Area resident Derek Pemberton, 34, spent three decades assuming professional golfers were impressively terrible at avoiding small circular obstacles scattered across pristine lawns.
The late Steve 'Mongo' McMichael's brain tissue has reportedly filed a grievance with the NFL Players Association, claiming years of unpaid overtime and hazardous working conditions.
Former NBA coach Michael Malone reportedly spent his first week at North Carolina asking why practice kept getting interrupted by 'learning stuff.'
Brad Hensley's fantasy roster has become so catastrophically unsuccessful that it has begun retroactively removing points from actual NFL games, according to league officials.
The Mets slugger's rebellious calf muscle has reportedly hired a sports agent and is threatening to hold out for better working conditions and premium massage oil.
Desert Swarm contributor Jerry Kowalski's 47-page breakdown of Arizona's pick-and-roll defense against Michigan inadvertently contains the mathematical formula for reversing global warming.
In a shocking turn of events that has baffled sports analysts worldwide, the UConn Huskies discovered they could win basketball games by preventing the other team from scoring points.
New federal guidelines require student-athletes to participate in football, basketball, swimming, tennis, golf, track, wrestling, and competitive chess all at once to prove their commitment to "true athletic stability."
The baseball team's front office was reportedly so impressed by Griffin's keen eye for avian aesthetics that they immediately handed him the keys to the team's treasure chest of mid-tier prospects.
Puka Nacua checks into the nation's premier dental aggression treatment center following what teammates describe as an 'escalating nibbling problem.'
UFC President announces that Alexa Grasso's finish was so spectacular that boxing, tennis, and competitive hopscotch are now obsolete.
University of Michigan officials report that new basketball coach Dusty May has transformed their team into an unstoppable force through what experts are calling 'aggressive sock organization' and 'militant laundry scheduling.'
The Millfield Mudcats' championship season has been called into question after groundskeeping records revealed most opposing teams were actually elaborate hay displays.
Area resident Derek Thompson reportedly canceled dinner with his mother and abandoned his Netflix queue to spend Saturday evening typing furiously about whether a left hook landed cleanly or just grazed a shoulder.
Mixed martial arts legend Bruce Buffer admits he got distracted by Marcin Tybura's superior selection of orange slices and Gatorade, leading to the most embarrassing announcing mistake since he declared a water bottle the new heavyweight champion.
The NCAA Tournament bracket has reportedly developed consciousness and is demanding an apology from CBS Sports for perpetuating harmful stereotypes about mental health in college basketball.
The deal, negotiated entirely through interpretive dance and juice box bribes, makes Crow-Armstrong the highest-paid babysitter in Major League Baseball history.
Movsar Evloev's revolutionary 'possum technique' leaves opponent, judges, and entire sport of mixed martial arts questioning reality.
The NCAA announces plans to formally recognize 'Tactical Underwear Intimidation' as an official collegiate sport following Miami's groundbreaking victory.
After 14 years of confusion, New York Jets management discovers the definition of 'opportunity' following Miami's trade of Jaylen Waddle, immediately begins planning ways to waste it.
Following Venezuela's stunning 3-2 World Baseball Classic victory, President Biden reportedly called an emergency cabinet meeting to discuss whether democracy can survive when America loses at sports.
Aden Holloway faces felony charges after allegedly cheering too loudly at a Chuck E. Cheese birthday party and refusing to calm down when told the NCAA Tournament was still three days away.
The highly anticipated CMB 2026 semifinal was postponed for three hours as both teams engaged in passionate culinary debate, with referees eventually having to separate Italian midfielder Marco Linguini from Venezuelan striker Carlos MaÃz.
The World Baseball Classic quarterfinal has been postponed indefinitely while head umpire Miguel RodrÃguez sits motionless behind home plate, staring at a baseball and muttering 'But what IS the strike zone, really?'
Team USA's dominant World Baseball Classic performance somehow resulted in full annexation of Canada, with maple syrup now classified as a controlled substance.
Medical staff reportedly spent hours searching campus before finding Foster hiding in a library study carrel and Ngongba camouflaged behind a particularly tall tree.
The diminutive quarterback has been spotted at various historical reenactment sites, carefully evaluating the pros and cons of different warrior classes for his next career move.
Sports analysts continue ancient tradition of grading grown men's spending decisions as if they were middle school book reports.
Area resident Carlos Mendoza has reportedly consumed more energy finding broadcast information for Botafogo vs. Barcelona SC than the players will expend during the actual game.
Buffalo Sabres forward Brandon Hagel reportedly achieved unprecedented vertical clearance while attempting to join a scuffle, inadvertently vaulting completely over defenseman Rasmus Dahlin in what witnesses describe as 'basically a triple axel but angrier.'
Trent McDuffie becomes highest-paid professional corner-stander in history after demonstrating elite ability to occupy rectangular patches of grass.
What began as standard collegiate wrestling competition has devolved into geometric impossibility, with 14 athletes now permanently intertwined in what physicists are calling 'a flesh pretzel of unprecedented complexity.'
Former LAFC striker Carlos Vela reportedly signed ownership papers thinking he was just securing a permanent VIP parking spot, only to discover he now owns part of the team he used to play for.
MLB officials confirm the first-ever pirate-themed trade negotiation involved actual buried treasure, rum, and a surprisingly detailed napkin drawing.
Gary Henderson, 34, realized during Sunday's Chicago Marathon that he had been running backwards through every race since 2009, explaining his consistently poor finish times.
Reddick continues driving laps long after checkered flag waves, forcing NASCAR officials to declare him winner of subsequent races out of sheer exhaustion.
The Colombian midfielder has reportedly raised the temperature of MLS benches by an average of 12 degrees through sheer force of sitting, prompting NASA to investigate his supernatural posterior powers.
The Springfield Scorpions have won 12 consecutive games since discovering their 'unusually heavy and seed-filled' basketball was actually produce.
Bodo/Glimt players reportedly still unsure what 'Champions League' means, continue showing up to games with folding chairs and thermoses of coffee.
The Riverside Rapids' unprecedented 47-game winning streak has been traced back to their mascot's therapeutic rodent, Mr. Whiskers, who provides courtside anxiety management during crucial free throws.
Scientists have confirmed that Derek Pemberton's supernatural ability to jinx any player on his roster has measurable effects on actual game performance, leading to calls for regulation.
Brad Henley's catastrophically poor fantasy lineup choices have created a supernatural feedback loop that is somehow affecting real players' performance on the field.
The Seattle Sounders' substitutes bench reportedly filed a formal complaint with MLS after midfielder's stellar performance, claiming it deserves co-MVP honors for "providing optimal sitting conditions."
Area resident Derek Flemming's basement draft session reportedly became so statistically advanced that it began manifesting actual future trades, forcing the NFL to consider hiring him as Commissioner of Reality.
After months of rigorous investigation, LAFC has successfully verified that kicking a ball around a field still constitutes organized athletic competition.
Derek Pembleton's cursed roster has led to 847 player injuries, three spontaneous combustions, and one quarterback who simply vanished into thin air during a timeout.
After decades of elaborate analysis, draft prognosticators reveal their sophisticated evaluation process involves blindfolded dart throwing and consulting Magic 8-Balls.
MLS officials express shock and confusion as players inexplicably focus on moving ball toward goal rather than performing interpretive dance about their feelings.
Los Angeles authorities are investigating claims that several men wearing Boston jerseys may have illegally impersonated actual NBA players during last night's game.
Boston resident Payton Pritchard's wrong turn at Crypto.com Arena leads to devastating Lakers defeat and newfound NBA career.
American hockey team's elaborate tribute ceremony somehow results in actual athletic achievement, confusing everyone involved.
Physics professors at State University confirm that the Riverside Raccoons' defensive strategy has begun tearing microscopic holes in the fabric of reality itself.
I thought I was going the right way, said the confused but decorated runner.
The Millfield Mudcats were eliminated from the regional tournament Tuesday night after failing to get a hit off deceased pitcher Randy Kowalski, who had been legally dead since the fifth inning.