34 articles
The Massachusetts institution will close its doors permanently after a shocking audit revealed that their entire academic program consisted of making friendship bracelets and singing 'Kumbaya' around a campfire.
Daniel Moreno-Gama, 20, reportedly spent $47,000 creating an AI-powered explosive device that could write its own ransom note before hurling it at OpenAI CEO's home.
Gerald Pemberton's ficus tree has retained legal counsel and is seeking $50,000 in damages for years of neglect and being forced to listen to his karaoke attempts.
Health officials report that mainland visitors' strained attempts to say Hawaiian words correctly have resulted in a 400% increase in throat-related bacterial infections.
Muneeb Iqbal's unprecedented rejection streak has inspired USC to launch the world's first Master's program in Getting Your Hopes Up Just to Have Them Crushed.
A juvenile gray whale that traveled 20 miles up Washington's Willapa River reportedly succumbed to acute disappointment after discovering the dating scene was 'literally just mud and salmon.'
The indigenous scrub brush of Moreno Valley claims years of starring in dramatic evacuation scenes without compensation has left them financially devastated and emotionally burned out.
Management at Southeast Portland Safeway celebrates unintended time-travel atmosphere, now offering customers chance to shop for groceries while experiencing historically accurate disease outbreaks.
A rubber plant named Fernando has become the youngest elected official in Millfield history after concerned citizens wrote it in as a protest vote against human incompetence.
Local fire truck celebrates successful territorial defense after intercepting passenger aircraft attempting to use 'its' runway without permission.
Authorities say the suspect violated the unwritten social contract that Chicago's lakefront exists solely for jogging influencers and people pretending their lives are together.
Chad Brimsworth's personalized Netflix recommendations have reportedly gained sentience and are now expressing deep concern about his binge-watching patterns.
Area resident Donald Trumpet issued a 48-hour ultimatum to the Johnsons next door after their holiday decorations blocked his driveway access.
Gary Hoffman's wireless earbuds have reportedly filed a formal complaint with the Better Business Bureau and started their own Spotify playlist.
Gary Henderson's insistence on waving through every single driver at a four-way stop has brought downtown traffic to a complete standstill, with motorists now forming a support group.
Local hospitality industry scrambles to update guest policies after Illinois visitor's unconventional gratuity spreads infectious disease throughout eastern Iowa establishment.
Area driver who claimed he was "just looking for the Wendy's" somehow ended up ramming his Honda Civic into a place of worship, baffling navigation experts worldwide.
Matanzas resident becomes first person to successfully identify every single booby trap in a Cuban household, earning him the ultimate prize of never having to worry about theft again.
Derek Thompson's three-year delay in mowing his lawn has been declared a "bold statement on suburban conformity" and granted protected artistic status.
The shocking theft of José Alfonso Joa Sierra's final croqueta has sent shockwaves through Santiago de Cuba, with neighbors reportedly weeping in the streets.
Brewster's Coffee House now employs three full-time cardiologists and maintains a waiting list longer than most hospitals after discovering some people shouldn't drink coffee.
Broomfield High School makes history as the first institution to successfully bring measles out of retirement, with parents now lobbying for official recognition of their children's groundbreaking medical archaeology.
Jorge Pederson, 30, has been awarded the coveted 'Most Dedicated Patron' trophy by the Austin Bar Association, despite never filling out an application or knowing such an award existed.
Oregon City medical center's waiting room has officially become the first location in history to host all known human ailments at once, prompting scientists to declare it a 'biological UNESCO World Heritage Site.'
67th and Pacific Street near UNO has officially resigned from its position as a road, citing burnout and requesting to be reclassified as a 'decorative crater.'
Area resident's confidence in woodland camouflage abilities proves fatally misplaced during impromptu game with law enforcement.
Area resident Derek Pemberton reportedly spent three sleepless nights questioning the fabric of reality after discovering his $270,000 'starter car' costs more than most people's houses.
Area resident Nick Reiner announced he's prepared to enter a plea regarding what his lawyer describes as 'a minor disagreement over Monopoly rules that got a teensy bit out of hand.'
Gerald Tinklebottom, 34, finally admits his fantasy realm was named after his dentist Dr. Dorn, not an exotic desert kingdom.
Area resident's cardiovascular system cites years of abuse and demands 50-foot minimum distance from all winter precipitation removal equipment.
Dr. Miranda Chaos, mother of three feral children, has revolutionized modern parenting by simply lowering her standards to subterranean levels.
Security officials confirm that deceased visitor had apparently mistaken former president's heavily fortified compound for new immersive dining experience advertised on Groupon.
Area resident Derek Plimpton's 47-character WiFi password containing ancient Sumerian symbols has reportedly reversed global warming after being entered into his router.
Golden Retriever wins by landslide with campaign slogan Treats for All.