DeDoDoDo

News that makes absolutely no sense, because real news is overrated

Featured Articles

World Leaders Conclude Historic Three-Nation Accord Establishing That Countries Which Have Flags Currently Have Those Flags, Vexillological Continuity Bureau Confirms Flags Were 'Present, Attached To Poles, And Belonging To The Countries They Were Already Belonging To'

The United Nations Department of Nutritional Sovereignty has released its landmark 1,100-page Midday Caloric Intake Compliance Report, formally confirming that member states consumed lunch on days when lunch was available and they were hungry enough to eat it.

World•3 min read

Lakewood High Football Game Ends With One Team Having Fewer Points Than The Other Team, Loss Assessment Experts Describe Deficit As 'Real, Scoreboard-Confirmed, And Difficult For The Families In Attendance'

A nine-member expert panel assembled by the Tri-County Sports Outcome Verification Authority has concluded a four-day review confirming that the Millhaven Mustangs, who scored more points than the Denton Falcons on Friday night, are the winners of Friday night's game. Experts say the findings were 'unambiguous, arithmetic in nature, and consistent with how games have historically ended.'

Sports•3 min read

Breaking: Local Officials Clarify Nothing Following Emergency Bilateral Summit In Which Two Nations Agreed To Continue Existing In Separate Locations, Geographic Continuity Panel Confirms Both Countries Were 'Present, Sovereign, And Approximately Where They Have Always Been'

Following a four-day emergency summit in Geneva, representatives from eleven nations have released a 900-page joint statement confirming that their respective countries remain in the same locations they occupied before the summit, with officials praising the accord as 'historic, reaffirming, and geographically consistent with all prior agreements.'

World•3 min read

Breaking Fake News

OFFICIAL STATEMENT FROM THE DEPARTMENT OF NONSENSE: Federal Atmospheric Moisture Precipitation Continuity Bureau Releases 612-Page Compliance Report Confirming That Rain Which Fell From The Sky Did So In A Downward Direction Onto Things That Were Below It, Precipitation Analysts Describe Event As 'Wet, Ceiling-Originated, And Affecting Surfaces In The Impact Zone'

The Federal Atmospheric Moisture Precipitation Continuity Bureau has released its long-awaited compliance report confirming that rain, once again, fell downward during a rain event, describing the findings as 'peer-reviewed, gravity-adjacent, and broadly consistent with every other time it has rained.'

Science•3 min read

DEVELOPING: Landmark Seven-Year Study By The Institute For Auditory Self-Sabotage Establishes That Attempting To Describe A Song To Another Person Causes The Song To Evacuate The Brain Entirely, Researchers Note Memory Departure Was 'Rapid, Humiliating, And Proportional To How Confident The Hummer Appeared'

Federal scientists have confirmed what millions of shower singers have long suspected: the act of humming a song aloud triggers an irreversible neurological evacuation of that exact song from the human brain, leaving behind only a faint sense of personal failure and the opening three notes of 'Mr. Brightside.'

Entertainment•3 min read

Eleven-Quarter Longitudinal Business Study Establishes That Companies Selling More Products Than They Buy Them For Tend To Have More Money Afterward, Margin Research Division Calls Profit Mechanism 'Directional, Repeatable, And Widely Misunderstood At The Executive Level'

Vanthorpe Global Industries held a 94-minute emergency investor call Wednesday to formally announce that $2.3 billion in quarterly revenue had successfully become money the company possesses, ending weeks of speculation about whether the funds would remain theoretical.

Business•3 min read