Jerusalem Holy Site Implements Strict 'No Palm Sunday, Only High-Five Thursday' Policy After Centuries-Old Scheduling Mix-Up

JERUSALEM — In a shocking revelation that has rocked the religious world, Israeli authorities announced Monday that Catholic leaders have been barred from the Church of the Holy Sepulchre on Palm Sunday due to a centuries-old calendar mishap that nobody had the heart to mention until now.

According to Rabbi Mordechai Goldstein, Chief Scheduler of Religious Events, the church has actually been reserved for 'High-Five Thursday' since 1347, when a monastery scribe with terrible handwriting accidentally wrote 'high-five hands' instead of 'palm fronds' in the official booking ledger.

'We've been trying to figure out how to break this to them gently for about 676 years,' explained Goldstein, nervously adjusting his yarmulke. 'Every Palm Sunday, we'd watch them show up with their palm branches and think, "Oy vey, not again." But they seemed so happy, and honestly, the high-five people never showed up anyway.'

Father Giuseppe Marinelli, who traveled from Vatican City specifically for the celebration, was seen standing outside the church gates holding a palm frond and looking confused. 'I don't understand,' he said. 'We've been doing this for centuries. How do you just forget to mention a scheduling conflict for 676 years?'

The situation became even more bizarre when a group of extremely enthusiastic teenagers arrived at 2 PM with a banner reading 'High-Five Thursday World Championships,' apparently unaware that their event had been on the books since the 14th century.

'This is the best day of my life!' exclaimed 16-year-old Brittany Kowalski from New Jersey, who had somehow discovered the ancient booking through what she described as 'deep TikTok research.' 'I can't believe we get to high-five in the holiest place on earth!'

Church officials are reportedly considering moving Palm Sunday to 'Fist-Bump Friday' as a compromise, though early negotiations have stalled over disputes about proper knuckle-bumping etiquette in sacred spaces.