Local Hockey Player Discovers Professional Leaping Career After Accidentally Jumping Over Teammate During Bench Brawl

BUFFALO, NY - In what sports scientists are calling a breakthrough moment for hockey-based aerodynamics, Buffalo Sabres forward Brandon Hagel successfully launched himself a full six feet into the air during Tuesday's bench-clearing brawl against the Tampa Bay Lightning, landing gracefully on the opposite side of teammate Rasmus Dahlin like some sort of furious Swedish hurdle.
Eyewitnesses report that Hagel, intent on joining the fracas near center ice, built up considerable momentum before using Dahlin as an impromptu launching pad. 'I've never seen anything like it,' said Lightning goaltender Andrei Vasilevskiy, who had the best view of the incident. 'One moment there's a normal hockey fight, the next moment there's a grown man doing parkour over his own defenseman. I honestly thought the circus was in town.'
Dahlin, who was reportedly unaware he had been transformed into human gymnasium equipment, continued throwing punches at thin air for several seconds before realizing his teammate had achieved flight. 'I was wondering why my shoulders felt so springy,' Dahlin said through a translator. 'In Sweden, we call this move the 'Frustrated Reindeer,' though I have never seen it performed during professional hockey.'
The NHL has yet to determine whether Hagel's maneuver constitutes a penalty, as the rulebook contains no specific provisions for teammate-assisted aerial combat. Commissioner Gary Bettman has reportedly contacted several Olympic judges to establish a proper scoring system, noting that Hagel's form was 'surprisingly elegant for someone wearing ice skates and screaming about cross-checking.'
Hagel has since been contacted by three different Cirque du Soleil recruiters and a Norwegian ski jumping coach, though he insists his priorities remain with hockey. 'I just wanted to fight somebody,' Hagel explained. 'I didn't know I was going to discover my calling as a human projectile.'