Local Man's Dream of Becoming Professional Election Overthrower Crushed by Unfair Job Requirements

SACRAMENTO, CA — In what experts are calling a devastating blow to the emerging field of professional election overturning, the California Supreme Court has permanently disbarred John Eastman, effectively ending his groundbreaking career in creative constitutional interpretation.

Eastman, who had hoped to revolutionize the legal profession by proving that elections are more like suggestions than actual binding events, expressed disappointment at the Court's narrow-minded adherence to traditional concepts like "following the law" and "respecting democratic institutions."

"I was really pioneering a whole new area of jurisprudence," said Eastman from his home office, surrounded by unused 'DEMOCRACY IS OPTIONAL' motivational posters. "I mean, anyone can practice regular law where you follow precedent and constitutional principles. But it takes real vision to argue that the Vice President is basically a one-man electoral college."

The disbarment represents a significant setback for Eastman's consulting firm, "Coups R Us," which specialized in helping disappointed political candidates discover that actually, they won all along through the magic of alternative legal theories.

"John had such innovative ideas," said former colleague Margaret Fizzlebottom. "Like his theory that the Constitution is more of a rough draft, or his belief that 'We the People' was actually referring to a specific guy named We from Delaware. Really outside-the-box thinking."

The California Supreme Court's 128-page decision was notably harsh, with justices using unnecessarily judgmental language like "egregious misconduct," "threat to democracy," and "what the hell were you thinking?"

Eastman plans to appeal the decision using his signature legal strategy of insisting that words don't mean what people think they mean and that the California Supreme Court lacks jurisdiction over California.

"This isn't over," Eastman declared. "I have it on good authority that there's a secret amendment to the Constitution that says lawyers can never be disbarred for being too creative. I just need to find someone to write it."