Local Woman Discovers She Has Been Professionally Scrolling for 7 Years, Demands Back Pay from Social Media Companies

SACRAMENTO, CA — Local woman Madison Phillips, 20, filed a class-action lawsuit this week demanding retroactive compensation from major social media platforms, claiming she has been working full-time as an unpaid 'content engagement specialist' for the past seven years.

'I've been putting in 12-hour days scrolling, liking, and sharing content since I was in middle school,' Phillips testified before a congressional subcommittee on Tuesday while simultaneously live-tweeting the proceedings. 'At no point did anyone inform me this wasn't a legitimate career path.'

Phillips, who boasts over 47 followers on TikTok, argues that her extensive experience in doom-scrolling, obsessively refreshing feeds, and developing crippling FOMO qualifies as specialized labor that deserves compensation at prevailing market rates.

'The math is simple,' explained Phillips' attorney, who was hired via Instagram DM. 'Seven years times 12 hours per day times minimum wage equals roughly $2.4 million, plus overtime, plus hazard pay for exposure to comment sections.'

Meta spokesperson Jennifer Walsh responded to the lawsuit by noting that Phillips had technically been paid in 'dopamine hits and validation from strangers,' which the company values at approximately $0.003 per like.

'We're prepared to offer Ms. Phillips store credit equivalent to her lifetime engagement metrics,' Walsh stated, 'which comes to about $7.50 in Facebook marketplace currency.'

Phillips remains undeterred, currently organizing a union for professional scrollers while crafting the perfect LinkedIn post about her congressional testimony that she's been editing for six hours.