Miami Deputies Sue Ben Affleck After Discovering His Movie Made Them Look Worse Than They Already Did
MIAMI — In what legal experts are calling 'the most confusing defamation case since a guy sued a mirror,' several Miami-Dade Sheriff's Office deputies announced Monday they are suing the production company co-owned by Ben Affleck and Matt Damon, alleging that a movie about a real drug bust they actually participated in made them look bad in a way that felt slightly worse than reality.
'Our reputations have been completely destroyed,' said lead plaintiff Deputy Ron Hanksworth, pausing to accept a novelty oversized check from a local payday loan company that had been sponsoring his press conference. 'Before this movie came out, nobody outside of South Florida even knew who we were. Now, thanks to Hollywood, nobody outside of South Florida still doesn't know who we are, but they think less of us.'
The lawsuit, filed in Miami federal court, seeks $40 million in damages, plus one personal apology from Ben Affleck delivered in full Dunkin' Donuts costume, a demand Affleck's legal team described as 'oddly specific but honestly not the weirdest thing Ben has been asked to do this week.'
Affleck, reached for comment outside a Boston-area Dunkin', appeared to be crying, but sources close to the actor confirmed he had simply been 'doing that for a while now for unrelated reasons.'
Matt Damon, meanwhile, issued a statement saying he was 'deeply troubled' by the lawsuit and had immediately called his Good Will Hunting co-star to discuss it, during which Affleck reportedly said 'How do you like them apples' before bursting into tears again.
The deputies' attorneys argue that the film depicted their clients engaging in corrupt, bumbling, and frankly embarrassing law enforcement behavior, which they insist is a 'hurtful exaggeration' of the original corrupt, bumbling, and frankly embarrassing law enforcement behavior documented in hundreds of pages of court records from the original 2016 case.
'There's a big difference between what really happened and what's in this movie,' attorney Linda Presswick told reporters. 'In real life, my clients were significantly less cinematic about it.'
Legal scholars have called the case groundbreaking. 'This could set a precedent where anyone depicted in a movie about their own documented actions could sue for reputational damage,' said Harvard Law professor Gerald Simms. 'It would essentially mean Hollywood could never make another true story film again, which, honestly, given the last several years of content, might not be the worst outcome.'
The production company has filed a counter-motion to dismiss, arguing that depicting real events that actually occurred cannot constitute defamation, a legal argument their team described as 'pretty solid' and 'one of the easier cases we've ever had to prepare for, frankly.'
A hearing is scheduled for March, at which point Ben Affleck is expected to appear looking tired but somehow extremely handsome, which his legal team plans to use as a character witness strategy.
The deputies have stated that if they win the lawsuit, they plan to use the money to fund a competing movie in which they are depicted as 'total badasses,' currently titled 'The Rip 2: We're Actually the Good Guys, Please.'