Oil Prices Plummet After Iran Agrees to Share Secret Recipe for Extra Virgin Olive Oil Substitute

TEHRAN - In a shocking diplomatic breakthrough that has sent shockwaves through both the culinary and petroleum industries, Iran has agreed to share their closely guarded state secret: a 4,000-year-old recipe for turning crude oil into a convincing olive oil substitute that has fooled Italian chefs for decades.

The agreement, brokered during a secret meeting at a Chuck E. Cheese in neutral Switzerland, has caused oil prices to nosedive as investors realize that Iran has been secretly using their oil reserves to corner the Mediterranean diet market.

"We never expected them to just give away the recipe like that," said confused U.S. Trade Representative Katherine Tai, still picking pepperoni off her negotiation pizza. "Apparently all you need is crude oil, a pinch of oregano, and what they call 'the tears of a thousand disappointed OPEC ministers.'"

The revelation has sent shockwaves through Italy, where restaurant owners are reportedly in denial. "Impossible! Our customers would know the difference between real olive oil and... whatever this petroleum witchcraft is," sobbed Giuseppe Marinelli, owner of Tony's Authentic Italian Kitchen in Little Italy, while frantically googling "how to tell if olive oil is actually motor oil."

Iranian negotiators reportedly sealed the deal after U.S. officials agreed to share America's equally shocking state secret: the KFC original recipe actually contains neither chicken nor herbs, but is made entirely from recycled napkins and the hopes and dreams of disappointed customers.

Market analysts predict oil prices will continue falling as other nations scramble to reveal their own petroleum-based culinary secrets, with rumors swirling that Norway has been using crude oil to make authentic maple syrup and Saudi Arabia's recent investment in pancake houses suddenly making sense.