Pentagon Shocked to Discover War Costs More Than Initially Budgeted for on Napkin

WASHINGTON — Pentagon officials admitted Wednesday they may have slightly underestimated the cost of military operations after discovering that wars involve things getting destroyed and that destroyed things cost money to fix.

The stunning revelation came during a congressional hearing where Defense Secretary Lloyd Austin sheepishly acknowledged that the military's $25 billion cost estimate failed to account for the novel concept that bombs explode and explosions damage buildings.

"We're as surprised as anyone," said Pentagon spokesman Colonel Rick Mathews, holding up a coffee-stained napkin with "$25 bil?" scrawled in crayon. "When we planned this operation, we somehow forgot that military bases are made of materials that can be damaged by warfare. It's almost like no one in our multi-trillion-dollar defense apparatus has ever seen an action movie."

The oversight reportedly occurred when Pentagon accountants used a calculator app that automatically rounds down to the nearest $50 billion and doesn't include a "miscellaneous explosions" category.

Congresswoman Sarah Mitchell expressed frustration during the hearing: "So you're telling me that when you shoot missiles at things, those things break? And broken things cost money to unbreak? This is highly irregular."

Military contractors have volunteered to help with repairs at the modest cost of $847 per nail and $23,000 per lightbulb, citing the challenging logistics of rebuilding in an active war zone and their obligation to shareholders.

The Pentagon has promised to update their cost projection methodology to include revolutionary new line items such as "explosions," "fire," and "gravity-related structural damage."