Pirates, Reds Trade Players Using Ancient Treasure Map Found in Stadium Hot Dog Wrapper

PITTSBURGH — In what baseball historians are calling "the most thematically appropriate transaction in franchise history," the Pittsburgh Pirates and Cincinnati Reds completed a player swap Tuesday after discovering trade terms written in invisible ink on a Cracker Jack box found beneath PNC Park.

The trade, which sends Tyler Callihan to Pittsburgh in exchange for Kyle Nicolas and what sources describe as "three doubloons and a really good parrot," was finalized when Pirates GM Ben Cherington successfully answered the riddle: "What has two legs, can't hit a curveball, and desperately needs a change of scenery?"

"Honestly, we've been trying to trade these guys for months using traditional methods like phone calls and emails," said Reds GM Nick Krall while adjusting his newly-required eye patch. "But once we found that treasure map wedged between two hot dog buns, everything just clicked. Plus, the parrot really brings the clubhouse together."

The mysterious map, which appeared to be drawn in ketchup and mustard, led both teams on a three-day adventure through Cincinnati's riverfront before ultimately directing them to simply "swap the tall skinny ones."

MLB Commissioner Rob Manfred praised the innovative negotiation style, announcing that all future trades must now include at least one riddle, a compass reading, and proof that someone walked a plank. "We're always looking for ways to make baseball more exciting," Manfred said while burying a box of baseballs in his backyard. "Arrr."

Both players expressed excitement about their new teams, though Nicolas admitted he's "still getting used to the mandatory pirate vocabulary lessons" that come with joining Pittsburgh.