Red Sox Fire Manager, Coaching Staff After Winning Too Convincingly, Fans Complain They 'Don't Recognize the Team Anymore'

BALTIMORE — In a stunning move that has baseball analysts scratching their heads and Red Sox fans nodding knowingly, the Boston Red Sox announced Wednesday that they have fired manager Alex Cora and five members of the coaching staff just hours after delivering their most convincing win of the season.

'We realized after that blowout victory that we were sending mixed messages to our fanbase,' said Red Sox General Manager Chaim Bloom during an emergency press conference held in the visiting team's clubhouse bathroom. 'Our fans paid good money for tickets expecting soul-crushing disappointment and inexplicable strategic decisions. Instead, we gave them competent baseball. That's not the Red Sox brand.'

The firing comes after the team's 10-17 start, which Bloom described as 'almost too successful' for an organization that has built its identity around snatching defeat from the jaws of victory. Season ticket holder Margaret O'Sullivan of Southie expressed relief at the news: 'I was getting worried when we started playing actual baseball. My family has been complaining about this team for four generations — what would we talk about at dinner if they were good?'

Interim manager Will Venable, who was promoted from bench coach to head coach in the span of three minutes, immediately announced his first executive decision: implementing a new rule requiring all players to swing at the first pitch regardless of location, and mandating that relief pitchers enter games only after consuming a sleeve of saltines.

'We're committed to restoring the authentic Red Sox experience,' Venable said while frantically scribbling lineup cards with crayons. 'By next week, we expect to be back to our traditional formula of building hope just high enough that it hurts more when we crush it.'

The team has also announced they will be raffling off managerial duties to random fans in the stands starting next Tuesday, with the winner determined by whoever can most accurately predict which inning the team will collapse.