Amazon Announces New Smartphone Will Literally Transform Into Jeff Bezos When You Say 'Alexa' Three Times

SEATTLE — In what industry experts are calling "either revolutionary or deeply disturbing," Amazon unveiled plans Tuesday for their new AI smartphone dubbed the "Transformer," which will reportedly metamorphose into a miniature version of founder Jeff Bezos whenever users activate its voice assistant.

"We learned from the Fire Phone that consumers wanted more personality in their devices," explained Amazon spokesperson Jennifer Walsh, nervously glancing at a prototype that appeared to be sprouting a small bald head. "What's more personal than having Jeff himself emerge from your phone to help you order toilet paper?"

The device, which runs on what Amazon calls "Shape-Shifting Operating System 2.0," will allegedly respond to traditional Alexa commands before physically transforming into a 6-inch tall Bezos replica complete with his signature rocket ship cufflinks and an unsettling ability to know exactly when you're running low on everything.

"I asked it to set a timer for my cookies, and suddenly I had a tiny billionaire in my kitchen explaining Blue Origin's mission to colonize Mars," reported beta tester Margaret Chen. "It also somehow knew I was thinking about switching to Target and spent twenty minutes crying about customer loyalty."

Amazon engineers admitted the technology isn't perfect, noting that early prototypes have occasionally transformed into other bald billionaires, including several unfortunate incidents involving Dr. Evil and Professor X.

The company says the Transformer phone will retail for $999, or $1,299 for the premium model that also transforms into a small warehouse fulfillment center.