Arizona Cardinals Draft Player Based Solely on His Name Being 'Love,' Admit They Didn't Watch Any Game Footage

GLENDALE, AZ — In a stunning revelation that has rocked the NFL world, Arizona Cardinals General Manager Monti Ossenfort admitted Tuesday that the team selected Notre Dame running back Jeremiyah Love with the third overall pick based entirely on his surname, without reviewing a single minute of game tape.

"The moment we saw 'Love' on that draft board, we knew we had our guy," said Ossenfort, wiping away tears during an emotional press conference. "We've been the Cardinals for decades — you know, those little red birds that symbolize hope and romance? We desperately needed more love in our organization."

Team owner Michael Bidwill reportedly spent the entire draft war room meeting doodling hearts around Love's name while humming Whitney Houston's "I Will Always Love You." Sources close to the organization say Bidwill has already commissioned custom jerseys reading "Love, Actually" and "All You Need Is Love" for the team's marketing campaign.

"Honestly, we have no idea if this kid can even carry a football," admitted head coach Jonathan Gannon. "But when he introduces himself in the huddle, it's going to be magical. 'Hi, I'm Love.' Just imagine the team chemistry!"

The Cardinals have also reportedly reached out to agents representing players with surnames including "Peace," "Joy," and "Happiness" for future draft considerations, while actively avoiding anyone named "Payne," "Hurt," or "Sack."

Love, when reached for comment, seemed confused but optimistic about his selection, stating, "I mean, I'm just here to play football, but if they want to hug it out before every practice, I'm cool with that too."