Cuban President Reportedly Too Busy Complaining About Energy Bills to Notice Trump's Friendly Takeover Invitation

HAVANA - In what experts are calling the most spectacular case of selective hearing since teenagers everywhere claimed they 'didn't hear' their parents asking them to do chores, Cuban President Miguel Díaz-Canel delivered a passionate speech about U.S. economic sanctions while somehow completely ignoring former President Trump's recent offer for a 'friendly takeover' of Cuba.

Díaz-Canel, who spent the better part of Tuesday morning complaining about what he termed 'energetic asphyxiation' caused by the U.S. embargo, apparently became so absorbed in calculating his nation's utility bills that he missed Trump's enthusiastic proposal for what the former president described as a 'super amicable conquest with complementary welcome mats.'

'It's honestly impressive,' said Dr. Patricia Valdez, a professor of International Obliviousness at Miami University. 'He managed to focus so intensely on energy costs that he developed tunnel vision. It's like when you're so focused on looking for your glasses that you don't notice they're on your head, except in this case, the glasses are a potential regime change.'

Witnesses report that Díaz-Canel was handed a note about Trump's takeover comments midway through his speech but used it to wipe sweat from his brow while continuing his 47-minute tirade about electricity prices. When asked for comment, a spokesperson for the Cuban government said the president was currently too busy reviewing the national power grid to address 'minor geopolitical developments.'

Trump, reached for comment at Mar-a-Lago, expressed disappointment that his 'very generous, very friendly invasion offer' had been overlooked. 'I even offered to bring good American air conditioning,' Trump said. 'Their energy problems would be solved immediately. Very sad they're not interested in my tremendous takeover package.'