Geological Review Board Confirms Mountain Has No Current Openings, Waitlist Status Described As 'Complicated'

KEYSTONE, S.D. — The National Park Service's Office of Monumental Asset Management convened an emergency all-hands briefing Friday to address what a spokesperson described as 'an uptick in enthusiasm' regarding the addition of a fifth face to Mount Rushmore, reiterating to all stakeholders that the granite formation is currently operating at full facial capacity and has been since 1941.

'We want to be transparent,' said Regional Director of Immovable Resources Deborah Fitch, speaking from a podium positioned directly in front of a laminated sign reading 'NOT ACCEPTING SUBMISSIONS.' 'The mountain is not growing. The faces are not rotating. There is no waitlist. These are the things we are clarifying today.'

Fitch confirmed that the clarification itself clarifies nothing that was not already clarified by the mountain's existing physical dimensions, but noted that the clarification was nonetheless necessary 'given the volume of internal communications we have received on this topic.'

The briefing, which lasted forty-five minutes and included a slide deck titled 'Granite: A Finite Resource — Implications for Q1 Through Eternity,' addressed what officials called a 'proposal pipeline' that had grown to include at least one formal letter, three conceptual sketches submitted via certified mail, and what one ranger described as 'a very confident phone call.'

'We appreciate the enthusiasm for the brand,' said Deputy Superintendent of Rock Faces Gerald Muntz, who clarified that he does not typically use the phrase 'the brand' and would like that noted for the record. 'However, the existing faces — Washington, Jefferson, Roosevelt, and Lincoln — have been locked in since Gutzon Borglum completed the project, and we are not in a position to revisit the org chart at this time.'

When asked whether the mountain could theoretically be expanded to accommodate new faces on a different rock surface, Muntz paused for eleven seconds before saying, 'That is a geology question,' and pointing to a different person.

A separate faction of officials, reached by phone and speaking on condition of anonymity because they had not been authorized to speak about rocks, confirmed that allies of the administration had raised the possibility of adding a fifth face in what one described as 'more than casual conversation.' The officials declined to characterize how much more than casual the conversation had been, citing an ongoing review of what constitutes a conversation versus a proposal versus 'a vision someone had.'

Trump, who is scheduled to speak at the monument this weekend, has not formally submitted a face application, as no formal face application process exists. The Park Service confirmed Friday that it also does not intend to create one.

'We want to thank everyone for their continued interest in the mountain,' Fitch said in closing. 'The mountain remains open to the public. The faces remain the faces. We feel this briefing has been a success.'

Asked whether the briefing had resolved anything, Fitch gathered her materials, nodded once, and left through a side door.

The mountain was unavailable for comment, which officials noted is consistent with its historical communication pattern and should not be interpreted as evasiveness.