Groundbreaking Municipal Study Finds That Puddles Located In Crosswalks Are 'Positioned In A Way Consistent With Being Stepped In,' City Engineers Ask Pedestrians To Acknowledge The Data Before Proceeding

DUNMORE — The Office of Applied Urban Wildlife Sciences at Dunmore Community College has released a landmark 47-page report this week confirming that pigeons observed standing motionless in the Westgate Plaza parking lot are, during the period of their standing, not moving. The findings have prompted the city's Emergency Management Division to issue a formal Public Safety Alert, the third this quarter involving birds.

The study, titled 'Stillness As A Discrete Phase State In Columba livia: A Parking Lot Context,' was led by Dr. Patricia Fenn, Associate Director of the college's Pavement Ecology Initiative. Her team monitored 11 individual pigeons across a six-month observation window using a combination of binoculars, a folding chair, and what Dr. Fenn described as 'a thermos of coffee and a willingness to wait.'

'What we found,' said Dr. Fenn at a press conference held in the parking lot itself, 'is that when a pigeon is standing still, it is not, at that moment, moving. We want to be very clear that this does not mean it will continue to not move. The stillness is real, but it is also, in our estimation, directional.'

The Emergency Management Division issued its Public Safety Alert at 9:14 a.m. Tuesday, characterizing the pigeon stillness situation as 'mildly unpredictable in a low-stakes but nonzero way.' The alert encouraged motorists to approach stationary pigeons 'with measured confidence,' and to avoid, quote, 'anchoring too firmly to the pigeon's current position as a reliable indicator of its future position.'

'We are not saying the pigeon will move,' said Emergency Management Director Harold Butz in a prepared statement. 'We are also not not saying that. What we are saying is that drivers should factor the possibility of motion into their overall parking experience, beginning now and continuing until the pigeon has fully vacated the relevant zone.'

The alert recommends that motorists engage in what the report calls 'pre-emptive pigeon spatial modeling,' which the appendix defines as 'briefly imagining where the pigeon might go before it goes there.' A supplemental tip sheet, available at the municipal website, describes this process as 'achievable for most adults in under four seconds.'

Not everyone has welcomed the findings. Gerald Poots, 67, a retired plumber who uses the Westgate Plaza parking lot three times weekly, expressed measured frustration outside the Dunmore Savings Bank on Thursday.

'It's a pigeon,' said Poots. 'It's standing there. Sometimes it moves. I already knew this. I have always known this. I did not require a study.'

Dr. Fenn acknowledged that the findings may appear intuitive to laypersons but maintained that their scientific value lies in the documentation. 'Yes, people have suspected pigeons were still when they were still,' she said. 'But suspecting and confirming are two different columns in the spreadsheet of knowledge. We are now in the confirmation column. That is not nothing.'

The report's co-author, adjunct lecturer Miles Throop, noted that a follow-up study is already in early planning stages. 'We want to look at what happens when the pigeon moves,' said Throop. 'Specifically, we want to confirm that movement, when it occurs, represents a change from the prior stillness. We expect the data to support this, but we'd rather not assume.'

The Public Safety Alert remains in effect through the end of the month. Residents experiencing pigeon-related parking anxiety are encouraged to contact the city's non-emergency line, though officials note the line is primarily for emergencies and this is, in their words, 'adjacent to one but not fully inside it.'