Iran's Leadership Celebrates Surviving Tuesday by Purchasing Entire Deck of Yu-Gi-Oh! Cards

TEHRAN — Iran's theocratic leadership emerged from their weekly Tuesday survival celebration yesterday, triumphantly announcing they had successfully lived through another 24-hour period and rewarded themselves with a complete set of holographic Yu-Gi-Oh! trading cards.

"Just making it to Wednesday without stubbing our toes or running out of milk means total victory," declared Supreme Leader Ali Khamenei while carefully organizing his new Battle City tournament deck. "These cards will surely intimidate our enemies more than our previous strategy of strongly worded letters."

The leadership spent an estimated $847 million of the national treasury on rare holographic cards, including a first-edition Exodia set that President Ebrahim Raisi claims will "obliterate the infidels through the power of children's card games."

"We have Blue-Eyes White Dragon now," explained Revolutionary Guard Commander Hossein Salami, adjusting his duel disk. "This changes everything. Try sanctioning us when we can summon a 3000 attack-point monster."

However, political analysts warn that Iran's new card-based foreign policy may backfire when they discover their opponents have been collecting Pokémon cards instead.

"The geopolitical implications of a Yu-Gi-Oh! versus Pokémon proxy war could be catastrophic," noted Middle East expert Dr. Sarah Mitchell. "Especially since neither side apparently knows how to actually play either game."