Local Man Realizes He's Been Watching Golf Wrong This Entire Time After Discovering Players Are Actually Trying to Hit Ball INTO Holes

AUGUSTA, GA — In a revelation that has shaken the very foundations of his weekend routine, local insurance adjuster Derek Pemberton announced Monday that he has been fundamentally misunderstanding the sport of golf for his entire adult life.

"I always thought these guys were just really, really bad at walking around without dropping their ball into random holes," said Pemberton, who has religiously watched The Masters for 15 years while providing running commentary to his cat about the players' "horrible luck" and "tragic clumsiness."

The breakthrough came during Sunday's coverage when Pemberton witnessed Rory McIlroy celebrating after his ball disappeared into what Derek had long referred to as a "grass booby trap."

"I was like, 'Finally, someone's taking their constant failures in stride,'" Pemberton explained. "But then everyone started clapping, and I realized I might have been missing something."

Pemberton's wife, Linda, confirmed that her husband had spent years yelling encouragement at the television, including phrases like "Just step over it, you idiot!" and "Why do they keep putting the ball so close to those stupid holes?"

"He once wrote an angry letter to Augusta National suggesting they fill in what he called 'obvious safety hazards,'" Linda revealed. "I didn't have the heart to tell him."

When informed that players actually receive prize money for successfully landing balls in holes, Pemberton reportedly stared blankly for several minutes before asking, "So what's with all the walking then?"