Madonna Declares Herself Sovereign Nation, Demands UN Recognition After Being Carried by Human Sedan Chair

NEW YORK - Following her entrance to the 2026 Met Gala aboard what witnesses described as a 'human palanquin of suffering,' Madonna has officially declared herself the sovereign ruler of the newly established Kingdom of Madonnistan, with her seven cape-carriers serving as her royal cabinet.

'I have achieved what Napoleon could not,' Madonna announced from her makeshift throne constructed entirely of old cone bras and vintage MTV Moon Man trophies. 'I have created a mobile nation-state powered by pure human labor and designer sheer fabric.'

The seven ladies-in-waiting, who sources confirm were hired through TaskRabbit for $50 an hour plus exposure, have reportedly been promoted to Secretary of Defense, Minister of Reinvention, and other crucial governmental positions despite having no relevant experience beyond synchronized cape-holding.

'We demand immediate recognition from the United Nations,' declared newly appointed Prime Minister Jessica, 23, a Pilates instructor from Brooklyn who responded to a Craigslist ad seeking 'strong women comfortable with public displays of servitude.' 'Our borders are wherever Madonna's cape extends, which is technically about a 12-foot radius of pure sovereign territory.'

The UN Security Council has scheduled an emergency meeting to address what Secretary-General António Guterres called 'the most ridiculous diplomatic crisis since that time Luxembourg tried to annex a Starbucks.'

Madonna's legal team insists the declaration is completely legitimate, citing international maritime law, the Treaty of Westphalia, and 'the universal right to serve cunt at the highest levels of geopolitical discourse.'

The newly formed nation's constitution reportedly consists entirely of Madonna lyrics written in glitter pen on the back of a Saint Laurent receipt.