Marilyn Monroe Fans Demand UN Recognition of 'Happy Birthday, Mr. President' As Official World Anthem Following Centennial Celebration

LOS ANGELES — In what historians are already calling 'the most breathy diplomatic incident of our time,' thousands of Marilyn Monroe devotees descended on Hollywood's Chinese Theatre Monday to celebrate what they described as 'the 100th birthday of someone who is technically not alive but absolutely still has a better career than all of us.'

The celebration, which began at dawn when attendees arrived in full Monroe regalia to serenade her cement handprints with an off-key rendition of 'Happy Birthday,' quickly escalated when event organizer Deborah Flinch, 54, declared that the concrete 'shimmered' in a way that was 'definitely intentional.'

'She heard us,' Flinch told reporters, her voice trembling beneath six pounds of platinum wig. 'The handprint vibrated. I felt it. My chiropractor also felt it, but that's unrelated.'

The Monroe Centennial Committee, a self-appointed governing body of approximately 340 people who own at least three Marilyn-themed throw pillows, has since submitted a formal petition to the United Nations demanding that 'Happy Birthday, Mr. President' replace all existing national anthems worldwide 'on a rotating basis, or at minimum during brunch.'

UN Secretary-General António Guterres reportedly stared at the petition for four full minutes before asking his assistant if this was 'the prank stack or the real stack.'

Meanwhile, inside the theatre, attendees watched a marathon screening of Monroe's films, interrupted every 22 minutes when someone in the audience spontaneously began weeping and had to be escorted out by a volunteer in a matching sequin gown.

'We've had to train our volunteers specifically for this,' said event coordinator Marcus Beaumont, gesturing toward a team of identically dressed platinum blondes standing near the exits. 'It's hard to tell who's emotional and who's just staff. Last year we accidentally escorted out three of our own people.'

The celebration took a dramatic turn when a local man named Gerald, who claims to be a 'Monroe centennial truther,' arrived with a banner reading 'SHE'S ONLY 97 AND THE MATH IS WRONG,' sparking a two-hour debate that required three historians, one astrologer, and a notary public to resolve.

Gerald was ultimately proven incorrect but refused to leave, instead purchasing a commemorative pink rose from the gift stand and standing quietly near the popcorn machine for the remainder of the evening.

As festivities wrapped up near midnight, attendees joined hands for one final chorus of 'Happy Birthday,' directed once again at the handprints, which remained entirely still but were nonetheless described in seventeen separate Instagram captions as 'glowing from within.'

'This is what she would have wanted,' said Flinch, dabbing her eyes with a Monroe-branded handkerchief. 'A hundred strangers in wigs singing to a parking lot adjacent slab of 1953 cement. Pure magic.'

The United Nations has not yet responded to the anthem petition, though sources say the document has been moved to 'the prank stack, but like, a respectful prank stack.'