Mexican Governor Shocked to Learn His 'Import-Export Business' Was Actually Drug Smuggling

CULIACÁN, Mexico - A Mexican governor is expressing outrage after federal prosecutors revealed that his lucrative side business helping friends transport "specialty baking ingredients" across the border was actually a massive drug smuggling operation.

Governor Alejandro Problemas, who has been charged with conspiring with the Sinaloa Cartel, told reporters he was "absolutely flummoxed" by the allegations.

"I genuinely believed we were helping Miguel and his associates launch a chain of boutique bakeries in Los Angeles," Problemas said, gesturing to a PowerPoint presentation titled 'Problemas Family Artisanal Bread Emporium: A Cross-Border Culinary Adventure.' "The pay was exceptional - $50,000 per flour shipment - but I assumed Americans just really, really love authentic Mexican pastries."

The governor admitted he found it "slightly odd" that the flour was always delivered in the middle of the night by heavily armed men wearing ski masks, but chalked it up to "competitive industry practices."

"I did wonder why our baking flour required such elaborate tunnels and submarine delivery systems," Problemas reflected. "And yes, it seemed strange that our 'customers' always met us in dark alleys and paid exclusively in unmarked bills. But have you seen the artisanal food scene lately? It's intense."

Federal prosecutors say Problemas accepted over $10 million in "consulting fees" for his bakery expertise, which primarily involved looking the other way while massive quantities of drugs crossed the border.

"In my defense, I did suggest we pivot to sourdough starter smuggling, which I still think has tremendous market potential," the governor added.