Michelle Pfeiffer Confirms Taylor Sheridan Set Was Simply A Hole In The Ground With A Camera Pointed At It

LOS ANGELES — Veteran actress Michelle Pfeiffer shocked the entertainment industry Monday when she confirmed that the set of Taylor Sheridan's latest prestige television series 'The Madison' contained absolutely none of the amenities typically associated with human civilization, including bathrooms, air conditioning, food, or according to sources close to production, 'any acknowledgment that cast members have bodies that require maintenance.

'There was no bathroom,' Pfeiffer told reporters, her eyes carrying the thousand-yard stare of a woman who has looked into the abyss and found only a Port-a-Potty that had been inexplicably placed six miles away as a 'suggestion.' 'No AC. No food. But Taylor did leave out a really beautiful leather-bound journal where you could write down your complaints and then he would burn it ceremonially at sunset.'

Sheridan, reached for comment while reportedly writing seventeen different television shows simultaneously from atop a horse, dismissed the allegations entirely. 'Cowboys didn't have bathrooms,' Sheridan said. 'Michelle Pfeiffer is not a cowboy. Yet. Give her another season.'

The Screen Actors Guild immediately convened an emergency meeting to address what spokesperson Linda Cho called 'a genuinely insane situation for a major studio production,' before being informed that the meeting was being held in a field with no chairs and that lunch had been replaced with 'the spiritual nourishment of authentic storytelling.'

Pfeiffer confirmed that by week three of filming, the cast had collectively evolved beyond their need for sustenance, with co-star after co-star reportedly achieving a state of pure cinematic consciousness that rendered food 'optional but honestly kind of distracting.'

'I think Taylor believes that discomfort is performance,' Pfeiffer added. 'And honestly? My performance was incredible. Partially because I was acting, and partially because I genuinely needed to use a restroom and that energy had to go somewhere.'

The production has since been nominated for four Golden Globes, including Outstanding Achievement in Filming Near But Not In A Functional Structure.