Morris Day Insists He Has Never Heard Of Morris Day, Has No Idea Who That Is, Cannot Confirm He Exists

MINNEAPOLIS — In what legal experts are calling 'the most aggressive self-disavowal in entertainment history,' Morris Day, frontman of the legendary funk group The Time, issued a sweeping statement Thursday denying not only his involvement in the controversial 'Freedom 250' concert on the National Mall, but also his participation in any event, his existence as a documented person, and his longstanding beef with Prince, which he also cannot confirm ever happened.

'I don't know who this Morris Day is,' said Morris Day, adjusting his signature pompadour and wearing a jacket that read 'MORRIS DAY AND THE TIME - WORLD TOUR' on the back. 'But I assure you, he is not me. I am simply a man named Morris. Morris... Smith. Morris Smith.'

The Time's Jerome Benton, who was standing directly behind Day holding a mirror up to his face as Day spoke — as is tradition — declined to comment, though sources say he mouthed the words 'we are absolutely doing the gig' to reporters.

The disavowal comes after promotional materials for the Freedom 250 celebration listed Morris Day and the Time as headliners, alongside several other acts who have since also denied being themselves. Collectively, the concert now features no confirmed performers, though ticket sales have reportedly increased 300 percent.

'This is actually a very common thing in the industry,' explained entertainment lawyer Patricia Gould. 'An artist denies a gig, the gig gets more press, the artist shows up anyway and plays for two hours, everyone pretends the denial never happened. It's basically the entire business model at this point.'

Day concluded his press conference by performing a brief medley of The Time's greatest hits, signing autographs as 'Morris Day,' and confirming that his upcoming tour — titled 'The Morris Day Definitely Exists Tour' — would not be stopping in Washington, D.C., on the exact date of the Freedom 250 concert.

'I will not be there,' said Day, boarding a tour bus with 'NATIONAL MALL OR BUST' painted on its side. 'Whoever shows up will not be me. Please do not come. Tickets available at the door.'

At press time, The Time had released a statement clarifying that they, too, are not The Time, and have never been The Time, and what even is time, really.