Nation's Poor Unanimously Agree Money Would Solve Most of Their Problems

WASHINGTON—In findings that have stunned economists and social scientists nationwide, a comprehensive new study released Tuesday revealed that 100% of Americans struggling financially believe that having more money would significantly improve their situation.

"This is truly revolutionary research," said Dr. Margaret Pennywhistle, lead researcher at the Institute for Obvious Economic Conclusions. "For decades, we've wondered what could possibly help people who can't afford rent, food, or healthcare. Turns out, it's money. Who could have predicted this?"

The study, which surveyed 50,000 Americans currently choosing between groceries and gasoline, found that an overwhelming majority cited "not having enough money" as their primary financial concern. When asked what would help, respondents consistently answered "having money" with such unanimity that researchers initially suspected a coordinated conspiracy.

"We kept asking the same question different ways," explained research assistant Todd Cashworth. "'What would improve your finances?' Money. 'How could we address housing costs?' More money. 'What about healthcare?' Money again. It's like they're all reading from the same script, except the script is just economic reality."

Particularly shocking was the discovery that people who can't afford basic necessities reported feeling worse about their financial situation than those who can. "We're seeing a direct correlation between having less money and having less money," noted Pennywhistle. "The implications are staggering."

At press time, researchers announced their next groundbreaking study: investigating whether people who are hungry might benefit from food.