New U.S. Passports To Feature Trump's Face On Every Page, Including Bathroom Break Instructions

WASHINGTON — In celebration of America's upcoming 250th birthday, the State Department revealed this week that new commemorative U.S. passports will feature not just one, but seventeen different photographs of Donald Trump's face corresponding to various travel situations.

"We really wanted to capture the full emotional spectrum of the American travel experience," said State Department spokesperson Jennifer Morrison, flipping through a prototype passport. "Page 3 shows President Trump's 'confused by foreign currency' expression, while page 12 features his classic 'arguing with hotel concierge' face."

The passport's most innovative feature appears on page 7, which displays Trump's photograph with the caption "Show this face when declaring items at customs" alongside detailed instructions for recreating his signature squinting expression.

"My personal favorite is page 23," Morrison continued. "It's Trump's 'pretending to enjoy foreign food' face, which our focus groups found incredibly relatable."

The passport also includes a special centerfold featuring Trump's "passport photo taken at Walgreens" expression, which officials describe as "peak authentic American travel documentation."

Early testers report that foreign customs agents have responded positively to the new format, with one French border guard noting, "Finally, American tourists all look exactly the same. It makes processing much more efficient."

The commemorative passports will be available starting July 4th, with plans to expand the series to include other government documents featuring Trump's "waiting at the DMV" and "reading terms and conditions" faces.