Philippine Senator Escapes From Senate By Remembering He Left The Oven On, Sources Confirm

MANILA — In what legal experts are calling 'a pretty bold move, honestly,' Philippine Senator Ronald dela Rosa evaded international arrest Thursday by walking out of the Senate building where he had been hiding, reportedly muttering something about a dentist appointment and gesturing vaguely toward the parking lot.

The Senator, who had been using the Philippine Senate as a personal panic room for several weeks, allegedly escaped through what witnesses described as 'the door — he just used the door' after ICC officials grew momentarily distracted by a nearby vending machine dispensing a particularly stubborn bag of pretzels.

'He said he'd be back in five minutes,' said Senate Security Guard Ramon Villanueva, still holding a visitor badge with the Senator's name on it. 'He seemed very trustworthy. He had good eye contact.'

The International Criminal Court, headquartered in The Hague, released a statement expressing 'profound disappointment' in the escape, noting that this marks the third time this month a suspect has successfully fled custody using the classic 'I'll be right back' maneuver, which legal scholars refer to formally as 'the oldest trick in the book.'

'We really thought the Senate would hold him,' said ICC spokesperson Helena Brandt, staring at a map with a single sad pushpin in it. 'It has walls. It has a roof. Structurally, it should have worked.'

Philippine officials have launched a nationwide manhunt, distributing flyers that read 'Have You Seen This Senator?' to other senators, who responded by also looking extremely nervous and checking their watches.

As of press time, the Senator had not returned, leading guards to conclude the oven had probably been off the whole time.