SpaceX Admits Space Data Centers Impossible Because Jeff Bezos Won't Share His GPUs And He's Being 'Super Weird About It'

HAWTHORNE, CA — SpaceX sent shockwaves through the aerospace and tech industries this week after filing a 400-page document with federal regulators detailing the single greatest threat to humanity's future in space: a moderately inconvenient GPU supply chain problem that engineers described as 'honestly kind of embarrassing to admit out loud.'

'We can land rockets on drone ships in the middle of the ocean. We can send a car into solar orbit. We can build a flamethrower and sell it as a lifestyle product,' read a statement from SpaceX's Director of Space Vibes, Chad Rocketman. 'But apparently we cannot build a space data center because Nvidia hasn't called us back in three weeks and we are absolutely losing our minds about it.'

The document, which sources describe as 'very long and mostly just the word GPU repeated 11,000 times in different fonts,' outlines how SpaceX's entire orbital computing strategy hinges on a supplier group so small it reportedly meets monthly in a Denny's in Taipei.

'The risk is significant,' the filing states. 'Our dependency on a concentrated pool of graphics processing unit providers means that if any one of them decides to 'go off the grid' or 'pursue their passion for ceramics,' our entire space internet empire collapses like a dying star, but less cool.'

Industry analysts were quick to point out the irony of a company that manufactures reusable orbital rockets being defeated by a parts shortage.

'These are the people who said they'd colonize Mars by 2024,' noted Dr. Patricia Hollenbeck of the Institute for Watching Rich People Fail Upward. 'And now they're telling us they can't build a space computer because the chip guy is backlogged. Sir, you have a rocket. Go get the chips.'

When reached for comment, Nvidia CEO Jensen Huang reportedly just winked and said 'Supply and demand, baby' before disappearing into a cloud of expensive leather jacket smoke.

Musk himself addressed the situation in a post on his own social media platform, writing 'GPU situation is concerning. Will fix with dogecoin probably. Also the Moon is fake,' which received 2.3 million likes and zero meaningful responses.

At press time, SpaceX engineers were reportedly considering an alternative plan to train pigeons to do math, describing it as 'technically feasible' and 'a lot cheaper than dealing with those GPU guys again.'