TSA Agent Wins 'Workplace Snitch of the Month' Award for 47th Consecutive Time

SAN FRANCISCO — Transportation Security Administration agent Barry Tittlesworth has achieved what many thought impossible: winning the agency's internal 'Workplace Snitch of the Month' award for the 47th consecutive time, sources confirmed Tuesday.

Tittlesworth earned this month's recognition after spotting a mother and daughter attempting the highly suspicious activity of "flying domestically while existing," immediately alerting ICE agents who were reportedly "just sitting around looking for something to do."

"Barry has an incredible gift for ruining people's days," said TSA supervisor Janet Buzzkill. "While other agents waste time actually checking for security threats, Barry focuses on what really matters: making sure people who want to visit their relatives never get the chance."

The award, which comes with a commemorative plaque reading "World's Most Unnecessary Phone Call," will be displayed in Tittlesworth's cubicle alongside his collection of confiscated snow globes and a framed photo of himself destroying a child's forgotten water bottle.

"I'm just doing my job," said Tittlesworth while polishing his 'Employee of the Month' parking spot sign. "If that job happens to involve preventing human happiness and basic freedom of movement, well, somebody's got to do it."

Tittlesworth's winning streak shows no signs of stopping, as he was reportedly seen Tuesday afternoon taking detailed notes about a suspicious elderly man who appeared to be "walking while foreign-looking."