Utah Man Demands Northern Lights 'Stop Showing Off' After Third Consecutive Appearance This Month

PROVO, UT — Citing repeated disturbances to his evening routine of falling asleep to Wheel of Fortune, Utah resident Gary Pembrook filed what officials are calling the first-ever formal grievance against the electromagnetic phenomenon known as the northern lights Tuesday, demanding the geomagnetic storm 'take it down a notch or find somewhere else to do all that.'

'I've seen it twice already this month,' said Pembrook, standing in his driveway and gesturing aggressively at the sky. 'I get it. You're colorful. You're ethereal. You're a breathtaking reminder of our planet's magnetic vulnerability. We ALL get it. Move on.'

The complaint, submitted to the Provo County Office of General Grievances on a Post-it note, described the lights as 'too purple,' 'going until way past 10 p.m.,' and 'making the neighbors act weird.'

Neighbors confirmed they had indeed been acting weird.

'I was out there for four hours taking photos,' admitted next-door resident Diane Kowalski, still wearing her camera around her neck at noon the following day. 'I don't even own a camera. I bought one at 11 p.m. during the aurora. I don't know who I am anymore.'

NASA scientists confirmed Thursday that another geomagnetic storm is expected to pummel Earth's magnetic field this week, potentially producing aurora displays visible across the Western United States, which experts say is 'incredibly rare' for the fourth time this year.

'We understand some residents may be experiencing aurora fatigue,' said NASA spokesperson Dr. Linda Chu, suppressing what witnesses described as 'a very unprofessional smile.' 'We want to assure the public that the Sun has been made aware of Mr. Pembrook's concerns and has chosen to continue doing whatever it wants.'

The Sun could not be reached for comment, as looking directly at it remains inadvisable.

Pembrook has since started a neighborhood petition titled 'Enough With The Sky Already,' which has collected three signatures, one of which is from his own dog, Chester, whose paw print Pembrook says 'counts legally, probably.'

Authorities reminded residents that the northern lights are free, require no ticket, and will be visible Thursday and Friday nights, whether Gary likes it or not.