Cubs Outfielder Pete Crow-Armstrong Signs Historic Long-Term Contract Extension With Six Random Children in Team's Backyard

MESA, Arizona – In a shocking turn of events that has rocked the baseball world, Chicago Cubs outfielder Pete Crow-Armstrong has reportedly signed a groundbreaking long-term contract extension not with the Cubs organization, but with a group of six children who accosted him in the team's practice facility backyard.

The children, ranging in age from 5 to 9 and armed with Pokémon cards and fruit snacks, apparently cornered Crow-Armstrong during his routine walk from the batting cage and presented him with a crayon-written contract demanding his services as "our baseball guy forever and ever."

"They made a compelling offer," Crow-Armstrong told reporters while being followed by his new tiny employers. "The salary is three juice boxes per game, unlimited access to their treehouse, and protection from their older siblings. How could I say no?"

The contract, written on construction paper and sealed with glitter glue, reportedly includes a no-trade clause to any other playground and mandatory attendance at all birthday parties. Cubs management was reportedly blindsided by the negotiation, having learned about it only when the children marched into the front office demanding Crow-Armstrong be released from his "boring grown-up contract."

"We're exploring our legal options," said Cubs General Manager Carter Hawkins, "but honestly, their agent – a 7-year-old named Madison who brought her own briefcase full of Lisa Frank stickers – drives a harder bargain than Scott Boras."

The children have already begun planning Crow-Armstrong's new uniform, which will feature a cape and light-up cleats, because "regular baseball is dumb and needs more superhero stuff."