Duke Basketball Team Discovers Missing Starters Were Actually Just Really Good at Hide-and-Seek This Whole Time
DURHAM, NC — In a shocking revelation that has rocked the college basketball world, Duke University announced Tuesday that point guard Caleb Foster and center Patrick Ngongba were never actually injured, but had simply achieved unprecedented mastery of the childhood game of hide-and-seek.
"We feel pretty foolish about this whole situation," admitted Duke head coach Jon Scheyer, nervously adjusting his tie. "When we couldn't find them for three weeks, we just assumed they were hurt. Turns out they were just really, really committed to not being 'it.'"
The discovery came to light when a janitor spotted what appeared to be a very tall person attempting to blend in with a grove of oak trees near Cameron Indoor Stadium. Upon closer inspection, the 7-foot figure was identified as Ngongba, who had reportedly been subsisting on acorns and rainwater while perfecting his "tree camouflage technique."
Foster was found shortly after in the basement of Perkins Library, having constructed an elaborate fort out of psychology textbooks. Witnesses report he had developed a sophisticated pulley system to deliver Cheetos to his hiding spot and had been using a periscope made from toilet paper rolls to monitor campus activity.
"I thought I was winning," Foster explained, blinking in the sunlight for the first time in weeks. "Nobody ever said 'olly olly oxen free,' so I figured the game was still on."
Duke medical staff admitted they never actually examined either player, instead simply marking them as "injured" on team rosters when they failed to show up for practice. "In hindsight, we probably should have checked if they were actually hurt before benching them for the tournament," said team physician Dr. Sarah Mitchell. "But honestly, we were just impressed by their dedication."
The Blue Devils' victory over Florida State has now been retroactively deemed even more impressive, as they apparently won while two perfectly healthy starters were engaged in an elaborate game of hide-and-seek that lasted three weeks.