Former Child Star Zachery Ty Bryan Sentenced to 16 Months for Operating Power Tools While Intoxicated

PORTLAND, OR - Former 'Home Improvement' star Zachery Ty Bryan has been sentenced to 16 months in jail after being arrested for operating a circular saw while under the influence, marking what legal experts are calling 'the most predictable career trajectory in television history.'

According to police reports, Bryan was discovered in the bathroom of a local Denny's at 3:17 AM, wearing a tool belt and attempting to install what witnesses described as 'aggressively crooked' crown molding while shouting Tim Taylor's signature grunt.

'He kept yelling "More power!" and trying to explain the proper torque specifications for drywall screws to the urinal,' said arresting officer Janet Martinez. 'When we tried to confiscate his nail gun, he started crying and asking where his TV dad was.'

This marks Bryan's third power tool-related incident since 2020, including a previous arrest for attempting to rewire a McDonald's PlayPlace and a disturbing incident involving an unauthorized kitchen renovation at his probation officer's home.

'The defendant clearly has an addiction to unsolicited home improvement,' said Judge Robert Chen during sentencing. 'We can no longer ignore the danger he poses to innocent homeowners and their property values.'

Bryan's legal team argued that their client was simply trying to 'give back to the community' through surprise renovations, but prosecutors successfully demonstrated that his handiwork had decreased local property values by an estimated $2.3 million.

The actor will serve his sentence at the Oregon State Correctional Institution, where he will reportedly be prohibited from accessing any tools more sophisticated than safety scissors.