Local Fossil Embarrassed to Learn It Was Already Considered 'Weird' 275 Million Years Ago

PITTSBURGH — Local fossil Tanyka amnicola was reportedly devastated this week after paleontologists informed the 275-million-year-old specimen that it had been considered a bizarre evolutionary oddball even during its own lifetime.

"I always thought I was just fashionably unique," said the fossilized remains through a translator specializing in ancient aquatic creature communication. "Turns out everyone in the Permian period was talking behind my twisted jaw about how weird I looked."

The creature, whose sideways-facing teeth made eating a daily embarrassment, had apparently spent its entire existence believing its unconventional dental arrangement was simply "ahead of its time." Archaeological evidence suggests that other prehistoric water-dwellers would point and whisper whenever Tanyka tried to eat algae, with many referring to it as "that mouth-sideways freak from the shallow end."

"We've discovered cave paintings from the era depicting other creatures literally pointing and laughing at Tanyka's jaw situation," explained lead researcher Dr. Patricia Holbrook. "One particularly cruel illustration shows what appears to be an early amphibian making exaggerated chewing motions to mock our subject."

The fossil expressed particular hurt over learning that contemporary creatures had nicknamed it "Sideways Steve," despite being female and preferring to go by Tanyka.

"I thought being called a 'living fossil' was bad enough, but finding out I was the weird kid 275 million years ago really stings," the specimen added. "At least now I understand why I never got invited to any good extinction events."