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Messi Accidentally Kicks Soccer Ball So Hard It Creates Interdimensional Portal During Inter Miami Match

By dedododo Staff4/26/20262 min read
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Messi Accidentally Kicks Soccer Ball So Hard It Creates Interdimensional Portal During Inter Miami Match

FORT LAUDERDALE, FL - What started as a routine MLS match between Inter Miami and New England Revolution quickly devolved into cosmic chaos when soccer deity Lionel Messi kicked the ball with such supernatural force that it punctured reality itself, creating a swirling vortex above midfield.

"One minute Leo was lining up for a free kick, and the next minute there were like twelve New England Revolution teams running around," said confused Inter Miami goalkeeper Drake Callender, who was seen frantically trying to defend against players from multiple dimensions. "I'm pretty sure one of them was made entirely of lobsters."

Witnesses report that Messi's 73rd-minute strike not only bent the ball around the wall and into the top corner, but also bent the fundamental laws of physics, causing several Revolutions players to age backwards and turn into their teenage selves mid-game.

"This is why we pay him $50 million a year," Inter Miami owner Jorge Mas told reporters while being chased by what appeared to be a holographic Matt Turner. "Sure, he scored a hat trick, but creating alternate realities? That's just good value."

MLS officials are reportedly reviewing whether goals scored through interdimensional portals count toward playoff seeding, while NASA scientists have cordoned off the Nu Stadium and declared it "a really cool soccer thing that we don't understand."

The match was eventually called off when Messi from Universe-7 started arguing with Messi from Universe-12 about who gets to take the next penalty kick.

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