Mexican Authorities Require 47 Forms of ID, DNA Test, and Mother's Maiden Name Before Releasing Dead Cartel Boss to Family

GUADALAJARA, MEXICO — In a stunning display of administrative thoroughness that would make the DMV weep with envy, Mexican authorities this week required the family of deceased cartel leader Nemesio Oseguera Cervantes, known as "El Mencho," to provide extensive documentation proving their relationship before releasing his body.

The verification process, described by officials as "routine family authentication protocols," included submitting birth certificates, DNA samples, childhood photos, and a notarized affidavit from at least three neighbors confirming the family had attended the same quinceañeras.

"We take family verification very seriously," explained Chief Prosecutor María Fernández while stamping the 23rd form in the release packet. "Just because someone shows up crying and claiming to be someone's son doesn't mean we hand over bodies willy-nilly. This isn't a Wendy's."

The family was reportedly required to answer security questions including El Mencho's favorite color, his go-to karaoke song, and whether he preferred corn or flour tortillas. One relative was allegedly sent away for incorrectly stating his preferred salsa heat level.

"They made us take a written exam about Tío Nemesio's allergies and his Netflix viewing history," complained one family member who requested anonymity. "I haven't studied this hard since secondary school."

The bureaucratic marathon culminated in what witnesses described as a "final boss battle" with a filing clerk who insisted the death certificate needed to be submitted in triplicate, with each copy notarized by a different notary public.

Authorities confirmed this represents standard operating procedure for all deceased persons, regardless of their former occupation in pharmaceutical distribution or territorial management.