Mexico's Most-Wanted Criminal Finally Arrested After Years of Successfully Hiding Behind 'El Mencho' Nametag at Office Job

GUADALAJARA, MEXICO — Mexican authorities announced Tuesday that they have finally apprehended the nation's most elusive criminal mastermind after discovering he had been hiding in plain sight for over 15 years by wearing a handwritten nametag reading 'El Mencho' and processing insurance claims at Seguros Mundiales SA.

'We feel pretty stupid about this one,' admitted Federal Police Commander José Hernández, shaking his head while reviewing the case file. 'We spent billions tracking this guy through mountains and jungles when he was literally answering customer service calls from cubicle 47-B the whole time.'

The breakthrough came when an undercover officer finally thought to check the employee directory at local businesses for anyone named 'El Mencho.' Cervantes, who had been receiving regular paychecks and attending mandatory workplace safety seminars under his alias, was reportedly in the middle of explaining dental coverage options to a confused policyholder when authorities surrounded his desk.

'I kept waiting for someone to ask for my real name, but they never did,' said Cervantes during his perp walk, still wearing his company-issued polo shirt. 'I even got Employee of the Month three times. The plaque is on my desk.'

Cartel members across Mexico responded to news of their leader's capture by setting fire to dozens of vehicles in protest, though they admitted feeling 'kind of embarrassed' that their feared commander had been spending his evenings attending his daughter's soccer games and complaining about office coffee quality.

Mexico's President praised the operation as a triumph of 'basic detective work we probably should have tried earlier.'